A couple of weeks ago, I had a breakdown.
Well, not really a breakdown. More of a meltdown.
You see, as a radio host, I’ve been spending way more time online checking out the news of the world. For me to say I’m spending MORE time online is crazy talk. Who knew there was MORE time to spend in the internet? (Yes. “In”, not “on”.)
The problem with the internet – and I don’t know if you’ve noticed – is that people can be very, very negative. Some seem to proclaim themselves experts in a subject after reading a Facebook post, or, God-help-us-all, a cable news opinion. In the heat of social media arguments, I’ve found myself falling into that trap more than once. My world became a dark place.
You may have observed a lack of blog posts. (Although, lets be honest. You didn’t notice because it’s not like there was a hole in the blogging world that could only be filled by me. There are plenty of rants, opinions, and advice pieces out there to keep you going. But, I digress.)
It’s not as if I don’t have an opinion about gay marriage, black lives, lions, abortion, Christian bakeries, or any other supreme disagreement of the day. However, my energies are going to the airwaves. After talking to Portland for an hour every day, I don’t have much left in me to write. The problem with this scenario is the small fact that writing is how I process. Hence, the meltdown.
I was ready to quit.
Quit radio! Quit writing! Quit church! Quit the internet! Quit everything!
My Bible study friends talked me out of it: “Share only good news,” they advised, “we can hear the bad anywhere.”
My therapist talked me out if it: “See if you can change your schedule. Obviously, the long commute is adding to your stress. Maybe without it, you’ll feel better.”
My husband talked me out of it: “You love the radio. You love writing. How can you do both and leave room for your family and time to just be “you”?”
- 2 live shows per week, and pre-record the rest.
- Give up blogging on a schedule. Who’s idea was that, anyway?
- Rest. Take time to just be me. Maybe even watch a t.v. show once in a while.
- Concentrating on what matters – my family. Not the pro-black-gay-lion-baking-choice-lifer (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) in my social media feed.
Here’s hoping the changes bring inner-peace. And if the internet decides to be caring instead of soul ripping for a while, I’d kind of like that, too.
Hey – a girl can hope.