Don’t Leave Because of the Gay Couple

Yesterday my heart broke when I read this post from Registered Runaway. The post responds to another Christian blogger’s Letter from a Christian to a Gay Boy Scout Member.

(Ugh. Even the title stirs up anger. As if “Christian” and “Gay Boy Scout” have to be separate.)

Reading these blogs reminded me of the internal hatred I felt at the end of last year when a family left our church and I learned the reason behind it. I know – Christians aren’t supposed to hate – but I have no other word to describe the torment in my heart.

Because I didn’t want to hurt feelings, I wrote about my anger but didn’t share it on my blog. Instead I left it under my profile page over at BlogHer. Now, though, it’s time to share it with you.

Photo Credit: Creative Commons christina rutz paparutzi

I want to tell you about a married couple who attend my church. Well, it’s not actually “my” church. It’s their church, too. And the guy sitting next to me’s church. And that family in the 2nd row’s church.

Some people are leaving the church because this couple looks different from what they are used to. And it makes them uncomfortable.

I love our church. I am 100% behind our mission to serve the community around us. In fact, I made it my goal last year to do just that on a weekly basis. I’m not sure I would conjured the motivation had it not been for our church.

I believe all who are part of our mission are those with whom I want to worship. I don’t care how tall you are, what color you are, or what your sexual preference is. If you care about the community and loving others, I want to worship Jesus with you.

A few church go-ers think this particular couple is living in sin. Those church members are choosing to leave the church because of it. Even though I DO NOT BELIEVE this couple’s loving, caring, marital relationship is sinful, I’m feeling the need to confess my own sins.

Now anyone who wants to leave our church should blame it on not wanting to worship with a sinner like me.

The following are a few of my sins:

My husband and I lived together before marriage.

I gossip. Not as much as in high school. But I do.

I lie. I once told my eldest that geckos don’t like carpet just so she’d go to sleep in the upstairs bedroom while we were in Hawaii.

I have other idols. One is a rodent who is my size and takes a ton of my money. I have his picture tattooed on my ankle.

I use the Lord’s name in vain. OMG. See?

I have gone so many weeks without a true Sabbath I don’t even remember what real rest feels like.

I don’t know that I’ve ever honored Commandment #5. Go ahead. Ask my parents.

And coveting? Oh man! How come I can’t have money/cars/a house on the lake/kids that don’t talk back/spouse who never argues/domestic help like that woman over there?

I am a sinner. You want to leave our church? Do so because of me. Not because of two other people who committed themselves to loving each other.

The Wedding Couple, after Abbot Handerson Thayer and Richard E. Miller
Photo Credit: Creative Commons Mike Licht,

I don’t know the writer at The Registered Runaway, but I pray for the day God-fearing brothers and sisters will accept his whole self. I do know the couple at my church and I pray for the day they can enter any church sanctuary and not feel judged. 

When will we stop playing God and love each other because of who our true God created us to be?


  1. Tiffany Morga Millikan says

    This was truly touching, convicting, and refreshing. Thanks for sharing and being a voice of reason in a crowd of so many unreasonables. You ARE changing the world with your words. Some people can' see past what they've always know or been taught. Your words will impact others to look at this situation differently and may even change their lives. Keep writing about things that may make others uncomfortable because people like you are the people who make this world a better place to live in. Sins and all.

  2. says

    Thank you so much for this Andee. You are an incredible voice and I am only sad that is taken me so long to find your blog. Seriously, this is very moving, very redemptive. Thank you.

  3. says

    I'm honored by your comment. Not sure what the responses will be but as long as I have your blessing and the blessing of the friends I wrote about, all is good with my world.

  4. Teri H says

    Amen sister! We are all sinners! It took a lot of courage to put yourself out there like this! I love it!

  5. Corrina says

    So proud of you in Andee and so glad to know you are a sister in Christ. Prayers, love, and hugs to you.

  6. dan c says

    Hi Andee,

    I discovered your blog today (specifically, this entry about the gay couple at your church), and I just want to say “thank you.” I grew up in the church. By God’s design, I also grew up gay. Knowing how I would likely be judged by others in the church pews, I kept my orientation private well into my adult years. I eventually left the church, as its teachings — and specifically its judgemental membership — no longer welcomed me or others like me. Only recently have I returned to worship (after many, many years of being away from church), having found an “All are welcome here — NO EXCEPTIONS” congregation.

    Thank you for loving that gay couple at your church. For all of us in the LGBT community who desire to attend church, but have left the church because of being judged, it gives me hope that one day — hopefully soon — we can all worship and share in the unconditional love that is from God.


    • Andee says

      Dan-I’m crying after reading your words for so many reasons. Your comment left an email on my account only I can see. I’d love to reply personally.

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