I crave quiet. Always. I’m can easily drive without the radio on and I never have the t.v. blaring just for background noise. Silence is golden and I want lots of it.
Except for right now.
This week was designed to be a time of nature, relaxation, and getting my life back in order. It’s been anything but. The minute my mind begins to wind down, I look for more stimulation – the internet, Facebook, texting friends – anything to make sure I’m not in silence.
Our friends invited us to their lake cabin in Washington for a few days. Here, one of my happy places, I was sure I’d find peace. There is just one obstacle in my way:
Me.
Why this change from my normal search for solitude? It’s taken me a few days to figure it out. However, this morning I came across this post on the social justice blog, Sojourners, speaking about our transformation in God. The words pounded on my chest like a lead weight.
Quiet is a time of reflection and prayer for me. It’s a chance to have a one-on-one check in with my Father and an opportunity for me to process what I feel and hear.
I’m afraid if I spend any time in deep contemplation at this moment, my world may crumble.
God has a lot to say to me right now, of this I’m sure. I’m just not ready to hear it. If I can keep busy enough, perhaps He’ll pass over me and return another time.
Or not.
It’s easy to sit in silence when my world is calm. However, when the bubble I live in is about to burst I’ll do whatever it takes not to feel, not to process, to stay behind my wall.
Luckily for me, I have a God who is patient. He’s not going away. He’s just waiting for me to pipe down.
This next week will be a huge change for us, too. I'm going a mile a minute with no rest in sight. Staying busy is like a drug, keeps me in denial and avoidance of facing things head on at a heart level. Thanks for making me think, but I'm off to finish dinner, so I don't have to think too hard right now. (Whew!)